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liudwp
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« Reply #34 on: March 07, 2007, 02:19:49 pm » |
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The Doctor and the Italian NurseA doctor was having an affair with his Italian-born nurse. Shortly afterward, she tells him she's pregnant with his child. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gives the nurse a sum of money and asks she go back to Italy and have the baby there. But how will I let you know when the baby is born, she asks? He replies, just send me a postcard and write spaghetti on the back. I'll take care of all the child's expenses. Not knowing what else to do, the nurse takes the money and flys to Italy. Six months goes by, when a post card is received at his home. Dear, in today's mail you received a very strange postcard from Europe explains his wife, and I really don't understand what it means. The doctor said, just wait until I get home, and I will explain it to you. Later that evening the doctor comes home, and reads the postcard, and immediately falls to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics are called, and rush him to hospital. The lead medic stays behind to comfort the wife, and asks what she thought might have caused the cardiac arrest. The wife explains, he was reading this postcard from Italy which says: Four Spaghetti's, two with sausage and meatballs, two without. http://makemelaugh.net/
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liudwp
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« Reply #32 on: March 06, 2007, 01:58:32 am » |
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One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.
When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband.
Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
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liudwp
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« Reply #26 on: February 23, 2007, 03:53:50 am » |
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It takes an INDIAN man to make a woman feel like a woman.
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> > On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe
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> > storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when
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> > one wing is struck by lightning.
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> > One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the
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> > front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells,
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> > "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be
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> > memorable!
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> > Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
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> >
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> > For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
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> > They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the
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> > plane. Then an Indian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is
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> > handsome: tall, well built, with black hair and SOFT WARM BROWN eyes.
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> > He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his
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> > shirt............. one button at a time. No one moves,
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> > .................He removes his shirt. .Muscles ripple
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> > across his chest. ................
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> >
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> > She gasps...
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> > ...............................
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> > .He stares deeply into her eyes.
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> >
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> > ..................She starts to feel faint. .
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> > He whispers softly:
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> > "Iron this, and get me something to eat."
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liudwp
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« Reply #25 on: February 22, 2007, 02:42:04 pm » |
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« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 02:54:49 pm by liudwp »
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